sun 8th march, 2.27 am
i should by rights be sleeping in preparation for my work-filled day tomorrow, or brainstorming on competition. almost inevitably therefore, i'll use the time to tell you about my slightly strange evening.
anne had a birthday party, so i had to go. i was rather footsore from my more or less fruitless tramp all around richmond with kiran this morning, and was still dehydrated from the relentless gratuitous drinking and partying of last night. but it was anne, and i had to go.
pedro came with, or rather, made me wait 20 minutes for him at kings cross station to catch a bus together, with only the thought that i had made him wait 2 hours earlier today, to comfort me. he arrived, we sailed forth getting on famously. the weird little pervert has been more gooey with me of late. we have these phases, when we are almost a loving (platonic) couple, not just a bickering married one.
we got there, i revealed my clever costume for the come-as-you-were theme of the party, and all were impressed. come-as-you-were means you should sport any look you've had in the past.... i went as a grungy archi student. i'm still in my self imposed asexual phase until monday, but somehow my choice of attire made me end up looking siren-like. my subconscious has been cheating on the phase i think.
as a result, i was hit on by a gorgeous gay man. this is a definite first. i'm not even sure this happens. all sorts of explanations are possible - he thought i was right little tart and would tittilate me as cruel sort of game (assuming he didn't realise i knew his swingage); he is so sexual that he is above gender, he finds something hot and comes right over to partake of it; he was trying to make his boyfriend (stereotypical gay nerdy sweetheart, later found draped all over him on the dance floor, very sanford blatch) nervous, by hinting at a swing change, again a matter of cruelty. i somehow associate this man with cruelty, with his young unblemished fair curly haired english charm.
i could of course be reading too much into everything as usual. another seemingly straight guy exchanged cards with me, but possibly for work reasons. he mentioned a female work partner, who could possibly be his partner partner. so, i may have imagined the hitting-on-me-ness here as well.
unrelatedly, i entered the flat at 2 am, to the sounds of my flatmate having wild sex. it didn't bother me, and made me giggle, as i stole some of their chicken wings and garlic bread from the kitchen counter.
now i could be going crazy for real. it may not be long until i'm found dipping my fingers into a tub of hummus in my satchel sitting on the tube, like the unfortunate soul who sat across from me on the district line today. yet i feel strangely serene. i saw anne, i hung out with pedro, for whatever reason i felt good about myself physically and mentally, about how i looked and about my work, and now i'm home safe and sound.
this is a familiar level of ambiguity, and i'm comfortable in it. life, when it feels much more certain than this, is not as convincing.
anne had a birthday party, so i had to go. i was rather footsore from my more or less fruitless tramp all around richmond with kiran this morning, and was still dehydrated from the relentless gratuitous drinking and partying of last night. but it was anne, and i had to go.
pedro came with, or rather, made me wait 20 minutes for him at kings cross station to catch a bus together, with only the thought that i had made him wait 2 hours earlier today, to comfort me. he arrived, we sailed forth getting on famously. the weird little pervert has been more gooey with me of late. we have these phases, when we are almost a loving (platonic) couple, not just a bickering married one.
we got there, i revealed my clever costume for the come-as-you-were theme of the party, and all were impressed. come-as-you-were means you should sport any look you've had in the past.... i went as a grungy archi student. i'm still in my self imposed asexual phase until monday, but somehow my choice of attire made me end up looking siren-like. my subconscious has been cheating on the phase i think.
as a result, i was hit on by a gorgeous gay man. this is a definite first. i'm not even sure this happens. all sorts of explanations are possible - he thought i was right little tart and would tittilate me as cruel sort of game (assuming he didn't realise i knew his swingage); he is so sexual that he is above gender, he finds something hot and comes right over to partake of it; he was trying to make his boyfriend (stereotypical gay nerdy sweetheart, later found draped all over him on the dance floor, very sanford blatch) nervous, by hinting at a swing change, again a matter of cruelty. i somehow associate this man with cruelty, with his young unblemished fair curly haired english charm.
i could of course be reading too much into everything as usual. another seemingly straight guy exchanged cards with me, but possibly for work reasons. he mentioned a female work partner, who could possibly be his partner partner. so, i may have imagined the hitting-on-me-ness here as well.
unrelatedly, i entered the flat at 2 am, to the sounds of my flatmate having wild sex. it didn't bother me, and made me giggle, as i stole some of their chicken wings and garlic bread from the kitchen counter.
now i could be going crazy for real. it may not be long until i'm found dipping my fingers into a tub of hummus in my satchel sitting on the tube, like the unfortunate soul who sat across from me on the district line today. yet i feel strangely serene. i saw anne, i hung out with pedro, for whatever reason i felt good about myself physically and mentally, about how i looked and about my work, and now i'm home safe and sound.
this is a familiar level of ambiguity, and i'm comfortable in it. life, when it feels much more certain than this, is not as convincing.
Comments
thanks for both compliments!