F5

Went to Cambridge today. Almost against my will, it calmed me down. The scurrying rat in my head finally went to bed. I could open my eyes and take in the scenery, which is postcard picturesque almost to a fault. It was a cold day, but I felt less old and tired and numb than I have in a longish while. Went a bit japanese touristy with the camera at Trinity college; at Magdalene college, I confirmed that enid blyton, malcolm saville and jkr knew what they were talking about; and I found out what a 'hot turnover' is (my interest in this particular form of sawdusty brit food was completely unfounded, i found)

The trip was a bit of a pilgrimmage. Stephen Hawking, of course, was a connection to the place. Also, I am a bengali, brought up in the tradition of looking westward (especially at oxbridge) for achievement goals. I realise that, now, I am turned on by academia (and a type of academic) the same way that some women drool after rock stars or have pointless sex with bungee-jumping types. I find I am drawn towards the boffin; there was a middle-aged dapper little one in Wren's Library at Trinity college. He sat in a 'cubicle' with 4 foot high walls of browny books around him, typing away on a white computer keyboard. There was a timber ladder propped up against the bookshelf and I was almost overcome by the desire to use it as a set piece in an impromptu marriage proposal. His work area was, however, roped off, and my kind companion led me off at the right moment, to stare at the Bard's first folio, preserved in good order at the library under his marble bust.

I absorbed some Cambridge today. It's a very soothing thing to do, especially if you let it absorb you back, letting it keep some bit of you preserved there in the quiet, studious atmosphere.

Of course, I can be very realistic about the student town; single-use, touristy, mummified, elite, invisible poor, an island, too many different stones, hushed up drug problems in suburban greens. But I have been tired for a long time; Cambridge and the Cam refreshed me; so I will repay the kindness and be greatful to them, and talk only about the good.

My clever companion was right - all it takes is a change of scene sometimes, and you are as good as new.