discombobulated, in spite of good day at work

got lots done today. had a list, ticked off stuff one by one, very satisfying. fielded important calls and wrote scathing emails which got responses. had lunch in a park, not The park, with new friend. then went back to office and tripped over my tongue when faced with boy, who simply widened blue eyes innocently. gaah. flirted later with his friend, i must bolster confidence somehow, i don't care. worked an hour longer than expected, then went on a walk, which was nice, as anne was there, and the river. then decided to cook, and so bought meat and veg. and to rid myself of fear, took the same bus home as saturday night. didn't fall asleep this time, and found myself.. scared. shit. i hate being scared. i Know how to take care of myself. this city is not out to bite me or slit my throat. the man sitting next to me smelled of stale beer. but got up so courteously when i pressed the button, this time at the correct stop. walked home, bursting at least one of the underfoot blisters which were a result of chasing thieves while on high heels and drunk. gah. it's the little physicalities that remain. that get you down in the end. blisters, feet, knees, smalls of backs.. hands... waists...necks..eyes....tongues