i want to keep writing

i really do, but words don't seem to want to come out of me of late. it's not just the blog either. it took me 3 months to finally write to my best friend anne after she moved to Canada for good. there's a good chance she doesn't consider me to be her bff anymore.

the last few days have been strangely good. a kind of throw back to my single days in hammersmith and london. i've spent loads of time with my friends and some good peaceful times by myself at work and by myself at home. i recognise this me, but can't quite tell where she turns into the married devoted wifey me either. are they mutually exclusive? wow maybe not and i can have everything i want and santa claus actually exists!

i've been in demand at work, which always feels good. the big boss notices me and comes over to share random anecdotes about stupid fieldworkers who get their fingers bitten off by dogs through letterboxes. kitchen talk doesn't make me want to hide anymore, because i can contribute to it more. i feel 'useful', ya know. god, unemployment must be horrible, if disguised paid unemployment sent me under for the better part of two years. oh and it might easily come back anyday.

i've started seeing a career counsellor though. i have high hopes. perhaps he and i'll figure out that i'm meant to be a mountain climber!

there, i said some words. in summary - life is strange. i am good. touch wood.

p.s.: i realise this totally contradicts my last post. the latest word on the street is that the letter is coming, but not yet. which gives a kind of pleasant transience to everything.