gulcharrey

went to halloween party as evil minnie mouse, with scary purple lipstick. slowly turned into the even scarier drunk minnie mouse. by the end of the night at least two boys in the party had purple mouths. and mikey p finally came to fulham. a week before he moves to dubai. goodbye sex. i'm trying not to feel really bad about him leaving now. it will be a very good and healthy thing for me of course. and i know that this was it, this was goodbye. nothing more to expect from him, even though we still have a week. and i shouldn't want anything more, because that will just ensnare me more and more. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

i have a pattern. i ignored two nice boys in the party to get it on with him, when there is no future there. one of the other boys was actually nice, and interesting and funny. and liked me, and said mostly right things. but now he will never ask for my number or anything because i was so obviously a whore at the party. i am driving away any possibility of the real thing, and yet keep saying that that is what i want. grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

and now boots is fucking far away and it's very cold outside.