2005-2006
memory lane is a book launch after-party on the top floor of the Tate Modern, with a sexy view of my inkyblackriver and mouldydome. memory lane is littered with old signposts like an old job role, old workmates, old classmates and old farts who try to teach wisdom. memory lane reminds you of exciting themes - urbanism! cities! pluralism! exciting debates and essential discourses.. and a familiar sense of no solid answers in the bog of urban questions. memory lane is well trodden.
i saw my greek today. oh it has been so long... a year maybe? we chatted like old friends, which i suppose we are. it was a new feeling (whilst in memory lane) to be me (when faced by him); to be me and fabulous and fun. in a weird, out-of-body-experience sort of way, i kept tabs on myself; how i didn't feel like hanging around just because, how schmoozing with others was just as important, how things i said were not neccesarily to please or enchant, but were actually things that i meant. for the first time ever, the greek followed me from clique to clique, conversation to conversation. and all it did for me was to give me a smiling tube ride home. i even forgot to post about it, though i had been planning to, from the instant i saw him there this evening. luckily i am generally sleepless, and therefore finger-happy.
Anne said, before goodnight, when i was generally whining about my long day of talking to a community about their public realm tomorrow, 'wow, you're so on the front line, i really respect that'. and just like that, i felt that my story has a structure, and i am in the next phase. seeing people from a past life was a healthy reminder of where i'm coming from, and what my place is in the ultimate battle. the battle of the 'city', the battle of the 'community', the battle of truth. and finally, even if for just a moment tonight, i stopped feeling like a fraud.
sometimes you go down memory lane, and face the mirror at the end, and win.
i saw my greek today. oh it has been so long... a year maybe? we chatted like old friends, which i suppose we are. it was a new feeling (whilst in memory lane) to be me (when faced by him); to be me and fabulous and fun. in a weird, out-of-body-experience sort of way, i kept tabs on myself; how i didn't feel like hanging around just because, how schmoozing with others was just as important, how things i said were not neccesarily to please or enchant, but were actually things that i meant. for the first time ever, the greek followed me from clique to clique, conversation to conversation. and all it did for me was to give me a smiling tube ride home. i even forgot to post about it, though i had been planning to, from the instant i saw him there this evening. luckily i am generally sleepless, and therefore finger-happy.
Anne said, before goodnight, when i was generally whining about my long day of talking to a community about their public realm tomorrow, 'wow, you're so on the front line, i really respect that'. and just like that, i felt that my story has a structure, and i am in the next phase. seeing people from a past life was a healthy reminder of where i'm coming from, and what my place is in the ultimate battle. the battle of the 'city', the battle of the 'community', the battle of truth. and finally, even if for just a moment tonight, i stopped feeling like a fraud.
sometimes you go down memory lane, and face the mirror at the end, and win.
Comments
./w